So, ever since I graduate (from high school even–not just college), I have this feeling like I am on summer break and eventually I’m gonna have to go back. Like college was just a long summer camp. I really truly have some subconscious feeling that is like I’m gonna have to go back to my home town and go back to my hometown high school and go back to the high school sports. And go back to the high school friends and boyfriends(ish) and crushes and carefree recklessness. ANd go back to my parents’ house and my old room and my take the next level Math class with Miss Kalskett and have another upper level English class with Sister Helen and do another few plays with Mrs. Heistand and take the next level science class with Miss Booth. ANd have a curfew again and find reasons to roam the halls and see my parents everyday and ask them to borrow money because I don’t have a job of my own (ok, maybe that’s how it is now…) and have to drive all the way to the city to go shopping. ANd have to give my Prius back for my old Probe. and have to “drive around”
…and be bored again
…and dream of graduating and coming to California
…to be away from it all
…to be a famous actress
I love the circles and spirals and cycles of life. Perhaps that is why I feel sometimes like someday I’ll have to circle back to childhood on my parents’ farm.
I am not pining for this, it is just some feeling I have. Probably because that is what I know. I do not know adulthood. I do not know the future. I do not know what it is like to support myself. I do not know…yet.
…and later I will know some of these things and not know other new things yet to form on the horizon of the sphere of my life.