No Dates

Why does no on ask me out?  Like ever?  Seriously, why do I have no dates?

It cannot be because of my fake strong independent woman persona.  Seriously, can no one see through that?  It is so fake.  It is just the wall.   Well, perhaps I’m a better actress than I thought…

Am I THAT intimidating?  I find that really hard to believe.  Or am I just that hard to read?  That would make more sense.  Either way, I’ve dug myself into a pretty deep hole.

That coupled with the fact that I’m extremely picky.  But I don’t see that as a bad thing at all.  In fact, I think I deserve to be picky with whom I spend my time with.

But seriously, no date?  What gives?  Not even any hook-ups!  Other girls seem to get both so easily.

Maybe it’s what I’m looking for…or rather, what I’m NOT looking for that hinders me.

I’m not looking for conventional/traditional relationship path.  And I am not a conventional/traditional girl.  But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like the opposite sex and that I would mind at all having a significant other…a companion.  It’s nice to have someone interested in you–no matter who you are.

I feel like I’m doing something wrong.  But how?  How am I being me wrong?  It’s still disappointing.  I want love.  I am capable of love.  Oh, BELIEVE me, am I capable of it!  Immensely capable.

I’m also fun and, despite what some may believe, can have a good time.  I’m smart and witty and a great conversationalist.  I’m also a great friend.  Or I guess I give that vibe off…because that is all I ever end up being–a friend.

Don’t get me wrong I love all of my friends and the friendships I have I LOVE!  But, I do tend to make male friends easier than female friends and it seems like men meet me and very shortly thereafter mark me with the “friend” label.  What is it about me that screams, “I’m much cooler as a friend than a lover.  YOu’ll have much more fun with me if we are friends because then we’ll never break up or have drama or all that shit”?!  I’ve experienced this very thing enough times to know I am not making it up.  Meeting guys who I can tell are attracted to me initially and than actually witnessing the transformation in their demeanor towards me once they think I’d be a great friend.

What is it about me that triggers this shift?  I am so curious to find out.  I’m not saying I’d change this part of me…because it may be a part of me that I like.  But it would explain things and may help me with my guy-interactions and steer me toward the more “me” type of guys.

Or it could help me out not at all.  In that case, at least my curiosity would be satisfied in this area.

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About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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One Response to No Dates

  1. Shamina says:

    Oh Mary,…….I think you know the answer to all of your questions…..it’s just a matter of whether or not you choose to walk the path with clarity of what you really want. I’ll give you a few hints……silence all the chatter in your mind, soften your demeanor and tap into that fluid and gentle feminine energy that is waiting to be expressed. I can only imagine what will follow that.
    With total love and acceptance,
    Shamina

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