Memory Flash: 7-14-2010

Not a day goes by in my life that I do not have a random memory or two or, most often, several pop into my head from what seems like nowhere and what has seemingly no relevance to what I’m doing or where I’m at or what I’m thinking

I like this, though.  In fact, I LOVE it!

It makes me feel like I have a good memory…like I’m story my life events very well–especially when it is things that are seemingly insignificant and I would have no need to remember.  WHenever I remember these things, it makes me think that I must have a REALLY large mental rolodex…that is not shrinking or pushing things out as I get older.  It is ever-expanding and will not throw anything out!  I like that.

I really thought about this today…and smiled (: because I remembered one of those seemingly insignificant things.  But none of it is ever really insignificant now is it…

Today I remembered a trip to Adventureland (which is an amusement park in Des Moines) with my family.  I was probably in 5th grade or so.  It was the mid to late afternoon and we were at one of their shows because we were all hot and tired.  And us kids were kinda cranky.  Mom wanted to watch a show.  None of the rest of us did–we wanted to continue to ride rides.  Dad didn’t care–as usual–so he didn’t really have an opinion…or at least didn’t voice it.  We were all getting kind of fighty and because it was past lunch time and we were trying to decide where in the park to eat.  My older brother and I were probably fighting.  I don’t even remember where I wanted to go.  But it was probably somewhere in a building or on a patio where you could actually sit an eat your food and imagine you were at a restaurant.  That, or I probably wanted to go somewhere way at the front of the park that I’d seen earlier in the day that I’d already made up my mind that I wanted to eat at.  My brothers probably wanted some little stand or cart that had a burger or hot dog or something familiar.  I wanted something different-ish.  Something I knew I couldn’t just get Mom to make at home.

Mom thought I wanted to see a show because she always thought that since I like performing that that obviously meant that I always like watching any performance available (not so.)  My brothers (mainly my older one with the younger always agreeing with him) were upset because they already knew that I was going to get my way because they always had it in their minds that I always got what I wanted.  This was (and is) so not true.

But the bulk of the memory flash today was us 5 sitting in the balcony at a matinee show because it was in one of the few air conditioned buildings and only like 4 other families were in there and it was some mock western musical review type singing thingy and none of us were watching it because we were all hungry, hot, and tired.  And then my mom starts to cry out of frustration which she often did and always annoyed and bewildered (and still does sometimes but not as much because I understand it a but more) and I don’t remember any of the actual dialogue.  It is like a dream, because I only remember the feel of it–the way it made and now the memory makes me feel.  I remember us all fighting and being really mean to one another and then her walking off frustrated in tears and then us kids realizing, “oh, this is serious!” And then being like scared because I thought she was mad at us and asking Dad what was wrong and him saying he didn’t know that she was just upset (which was and is his response a lot.)  And then us following mom downstairs out of the balcony area and being all like “we’ll eat anywhere, just don’t be upset.”  And that not fixing it and her still being upset.  ANd I felt that–a lot…deeply…and it affected me the rest of the day I remember.

We ended up eating, but Mom wasn’t the same the rest of the day…or maybe she was and my perception of her wasn’t the same the rest of the day…

That was my random memory flash this morning.  I’ve had several since then just today alone.  But, for some reason that one has stuck out because it is definitely the most random seemingly insignificant one of the day…

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About heathencomehome

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