Sometimes I forget I’m having me period. Even when I’m on my period. Maybe it is because I went 5 years without one and that is over 20% of my life. Nonetheless, I forget and I’m all like, “why I am I eating so much? Why am I so tired? WHy am I so lazy? WHy am I so bloated? Why am I so gaseous? Where did all this excess weight come from? Why don’t I have any motivation? WHy did I just sleep for 10+ hours and still can’t get out of bed? Why do I keep having to pee so much?” And a lot more. Then I remember that I’m having my period. it is still kind of like a new experience again because I’ve only been having it again now for just over a year. Went from age 18 to age 23 without one. I went from losing gaining and losing 10 pounds then 15 then gaining it all back and no change–still no Flo. It was nice. I didn’t worry. Docs couldn’t find anything when they did blood tests and ultrasounds and I got ok with having more Paps than usual. I figured it was great. No tampons, no pads, no worry about no sex (like I was having any anyway…haha)
But now I have it again. I should be happy. But I’m not. I liked it when I didn’t have it. So, when it started again last year I felt normal but I was all like, “oh, great! now I have to deal with this again.” I don’t like to be wasteful. And in college (they whole time of which I had no menstrual cycle) I remembered reading this feminist/hippie student magazine that had an article on the diva cup. I felt like this would solve lazy, cheap, wannabe-ecofriendly nature. It did. It has. I love it. But it expands and presses on my bladder and makes me have to pee a lot. Which is yet another thing for me to hate about my period.
And I know I should be all lovin’ on my womanness and femininity and what-not, but it is a real inconvenience! Like, seriously. I mean, not to the point where I’d want to take some pharmaceutical to stop it of something. And it is just such a taboo subject. Like, I’m either suppose to love it and feel all womanly or I’m supposed to act like it doesn’t exist. THose are the 2 camps. The 2 sides. WHile I want to be womanly and accepting of it, I’m not. I am inconvenienced and annoyed and want to be able to express that and not make others uncomfortable or feel like I’m bashing mama nature or my sex/body in any way.
Eh…I’m a bit frenetic too. In general in life mostly. But I guess probably a bit more at this time. A bit more neurotic and anxious. It shows.