Flowing…

Sometimes I forget I’m having me period.  Even when I’m on my period.  Maybe it is because I went 5 years without one and that is over 20% of my life.  Nonetheless, I forget and I’m all like, “why I am I eating so much?  Why am I so tired?  WHy am I so lazy?  WHy am I so bloated?  Why am I so gaseous?  Where did all this excess weight come from?  Why don’t I have any motivation?  WHy did I just sleep for 10+ hours and still can’t get out of bed?  Why do I keep having to pee so much?”  And a lot more.  Then I remember that I’m having my period.  it is still kind of like a new experience again because I’ve only been having it again now for just over a year.  Went from age 18 to age 23 without one.  I went from losing gaining and losing 10 pounds then 15 then gaining it all back and no change–still no Flo.  It was nice.  I didn’t worry.  Docs couldn’t find anything when they did blood tests and ultrasounds and I got ok with having more Paps than usual. I figured it was great.  No tampons, no pads, no worry about no sex (like I was having any anyway…haha)

But now I have it again. I should be happy.  But I’m not.  I liked it when I didn’t have it.  So, when it started again last year I felt normal but I was all like, “oh, great!  now I have to deal with this again.”  I don’t like to be wasteful.  And in college (they whole time of which I had no menstrual cycle) I remembered reading this feminist/hippie student magazine that had an article on the diva cup.  I felt like this would solve lazy, cheap, wannabe-ecofriendly nature.  It did.  It has.  I love it.  But it expands and presses on my bladder and makes me have to pee a lot.  Which is yet another thing for me to hate about my period.

And I know I should be all lovin’ on my womanness and femininity and what-not, but it is a real inconvenience!  Like, seriously.  I mean, not to the point where I’d want to take some pharmaceutical to stop it of something.  And it is just such a taboo subject.  Like, I’m either suppose to love it and feel all womanly or I’m supposed to act like it doesn’t exist.  THose are the 2 camps.  The 2 sides.  WHile I want to be womanly and accepting of it, I’m not.  I am inconvenienced and annoyed and want to be able to express that and not make others uncomfortable or feel like I’m bashing mama nature or my sex/body in any way.

Eh…I’m a bit frenetic too.  In general in life mostly.  But I guess probably a bit more at this time.  A bit more neurotic and anxious.  It shows.

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About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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One Response to Flowing…

  1. Sassy says:

    dude, I know what you mean. Periods are weird too and I always get super depressed before them. I don’t understand.

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