Day 2: no sugar…done
simpler. keeping it simple. the brat was quieter today. But, I think more than that, the rest of me–the real me–has very quickly realized her own strength! She is/was not as weak as she was led to believe. I mean just yesterday “the brat’s” punishment/banishment began and today, the other parts whom had been bullied by her are keeping her in her place quite nicely. She still makes/made herself known. Those other parts of me feel quite confident. And why shouldn’t they be? (:
That spoiled brat wanted me to go out and buy her some bedtime treats. I had to move my car and almost gave in. But, since the more constructive healthy parts of me have had nearly 2 days to build up strength and confidence they shut her up in like 5 minutes. She has no one on her side. Especially now that I’m allowing myself to convince myself that I am NOT weak.
She is still pouting. Still sulking. I’m not paying attention to her. Just they way she didn’t allow my true Self any attention or any voice in the decision-making process for so long.
So, day 2 down of the No Sugar Challenge. I ate like 3 croutons from the salad bar…does that count as cheating? They are carbs. If I’m cutting out sugar, will serve me much better if I include other non-vital/non-constructive/non-healthy carbs. I also had a few bites of a pear. But since it was only a few bites and a piece of fruit, I’m not feeling too bad about that.
My mom and I talked for awhile on the phone today. She seemed in a good mood. But, she said she cheated yesterday…that little stinker! 😉 She said Grandma S brought out a banana cream pie to their house and she had a few nibbles–but not a slice. I jokingly chastised her. I’m glad my temptations are not Grandma’s homemade pies–I’d have a harder time too! She also said she ordered a sugar-free iced latte of some sort and forgot to ask for no whipped cream and so she ate that with her drink…oh, I love her…because I am so like her in these little sneaky ways…although, I really hate whipped cream. (one of about 5 foods I CANNOT eat among them root beer, black olives, mushrooms, and sour cream–blechhhh!!! gross!) I’m liking this bonding I’m having with her over challenges to better ourselves. I really feel like it is coinciding so very nicely, smoothly, synchronistically with the other challenges I’m giving myself for my own betterment/improvement. And I like that I feel somewhat accountable to someone I love and respect. So, if I’m improving in this little small area of my life, I feel I need to also take a look at other areas needing some tending/improving.
So, I finally broke down and went to see a therapist last Friday. My mom and several of my friends have been saying I need to go back to seeing someone for quite some time. But, I’ve been nervous and apprehensive because I really feel like the last time just didn’t really “work” for me. I didn’t really get anywhere. I felt smarter than the therapist and always tried to say the “right” “safe” things. So, I didn’t get anywhere because I didn’t allow myself to–I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable to someone and something that REQUIRED vulnerability.
Nonetheless, nearly at my wits’ end, I admitted to myself that this was something I needed to revisit. My very close friend (and newly self-appointed “life coach”), knowing that I can be so averse and cunningly out-witting to/of vulnerability recommended Gestalt therapy. I looked it up online. I milled over the idea for a couple weeks. Then finally did some research on some LA Gestalt therapists. Emailed 2. Heard back from both. One took insurance and had a sliding scale…I went with her.
So, I’m in Gestalt therapy now every other Friday. I’m liking it so far.
I’m also reading a book of some case studies in psychology and it is really making me more ok with the idea of it. So, that’s a plus. Every time I read a good book I tend to somehow subconsciously associate it or mold it to me and my life. I am so doing that with this book. I know I did that with my last book on neurosis and that left me with a few days of emotional/psychological chaos…
I’m really feeling like a new person this month. I got my first level Reiki attunement yesterday from my dear goddess-sister-friend-lover-from-a-past-life-soul-connection-teacher-guru. I couldn’t have even talked about it yesterday, but today reflecting when someone asked how it felt, I could only say “indescribable and natural…like being born…”
So, I guess I’ve just been reborn. Into a new me. I love it…and I even like it too. Some great and wonderful changes are taking place. I am not going to be the same me in 28 days…mark my words. Come and join in the wild, fun ride. Oh my…it’s gonna be yummy…