Days 4 & 5: epic fails…but, done.
But, I’m gonna technically start over on my 30 days no sugar. So, now I’m going to go til Sept. 5th. No big. I got a migraine yesterday. I think..no, I know…I was dehydrated. But, also I think I was just trying to do too much. I wanted to make this month be a major weight-loss/eat extremely consciously month…like that June right after my freshman year of college when I so seemingly easily dropped like 20lbs without even trying. Well, I guess it’s not the same because I AM trying…Nonetheless, I want that again so bad. So, I was being like really super-strick and then breaking my own ridiculous rules/expectations. No more. Gonna still be strict, but sensible.
It all came to a head with me eating over half a pint of Haagen Daz bananas foster ice cream last night. (It was a prop for a scene in my acting class–my character referenced banana ice cream–that I just devoured on the way home after my way-t00-long Thursday night marathon class…) I was like, “WTF?!” I had been trying too hard to too suddenly starve/kill off that spoiled little brat. And she retaliated. So, I realized that I just need to be more gentle with myself…even the parts of me that have been mean to other parts of the true me. Gentle, but still firm–tough love. Tough love with myself but still love..for ALL of myself. The rest of me cannot resort to the little bratty tactics or else another problem will arise. Some part of me needs to step up…and in “stepping up”, actually step down. Hmmm, very Jesus-like…activating my Christ-consciousness…my Christian-ness. (I can’t used the term “Christianity” because I think it just has too many connotations and has been usurped and bastardized and disgraced. But, that’s for another topic another day…)
Today is Friday. And last Friday I had my first Gestalt session. I told her I could only afford to go every other week. She still has a sliding scale, but right now every week is not is my budget…and by my budget, I mean the money my parents send me every month. Ya know, I never ever had an allowance growing up. My parents didn’t believe in it. I was sort of jealous of my friend who would get $10 to $20 a week at like 8 or 10-years-old for not really doing anything except for being someone’s kid. But, now, I sorta feel like that…