WTF is up with this?! Two days in a row, too!
Like that depression-like tired. I just feel very low energy. Yesterday I had a migraine for the first time in like 18 months. And although I successfully willed it away, I still had a mild pressure on my head the rest of the day and my stomach wavered between queezy and ravenous (and only those two extremes) the rest of the day.
Today I’m having the same weird stomach dichotomy. I even slept in until like 8AM because of two nights past 11. I got light-heated/dizzy and nauseous (I almost spelled nautilus…weird…) in my workout this morning which is very rare. I know yesterday I thought I’d been dehydrated. Maybe today too. But I thought I’d been conscious about that today and was very much trying to drink a lot of water.
And now this afternoon, I am thoroughly exhausted. And I have done nothing more at all than is what is normal for me any day of the week. In fact if anything, slightly less. But, my activity level has been pretty typical today. I just can’t seem to do anything except lie down…gazing up at my ceiling. Even thoughts are exhausting.
I feel that physical side of depression. That’s all I can compare it to. But I do not feel the mental/emotional/psychological feelings of depression. In my head, I want to go out and do things. It’s like I’m sick and bed-ridden…with tiredness. And I feel I shouldn’t be. I am active. I should not be tired!
And another thing…I am feeling that queezy-ravenousness again today. Like that feeling where NOTHING sounds good except for some random food you would only crave if you were either depressed or on your period. LIke food you don’t even like, but you somehow just want. All day I’ve been craving Subway…wtf?!…I NEVER eat Subway. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I actually went to a Subway and got a sub. I’ve had bites here and there if a friend gets one and doesn’t finish and I’m like slightly drunk or high at the time. But, I rarely do those either. I have no basis for craving a 6″ veggie delight sub on whole wheat right now.
Nonetheless, I do.
Another thing…I feel like I’m going through a break-up. YUP! THAT’S IT! I have like this feeling of mild depression like I’m going through a break up and finally coming to terms with it and finally ready to address the fact that I have to move on.
…but the weird thing is…I’m NOT going through a break-up. I’m not breaking up from anyone.
…but I feel like I am…
My body and my spirit really feel like I am. My mind doesn’t because it is being rational and logical like it always is and knows that I really am going through no such separation from anyone.
or am I…?…
I hope not? From whom am I separating, if so? I hope no one is separating themselves from my life. Oh, boy…
I just feel this hopelessy breakup feeling. LIke lethargic and no real reason to get out and do anything. But I WANT to!
And I’m SO FREAKIN’ TIRED! Ugh! Feeling so unproductive. I have scene I need to print out and start working on for my acting class. I need to get some more hours on that online traffic school. I’d like to go see a movie. I have some reading I could get caught up on. I could call my grandma and run that Christmas present idea by her. But, it feels so right right now just to be on my bed…on top of the covers. Starfishing. (that’s with legs ad arms spread to the corners so together with your head you resemble a starfish.) My legs dangling off the foot of the bed. Breathing deeply. This actually feels good. Feels so right right now.
Perhaps it’s my over-active workaholic brain that needs to shut up and let me just have a breather day.