Day 16

Day 16: done

…getting much easier.  That feels good.  In fact, having to think about it less.  And anything having me think less is very very much a good thing!

Tomorrow is up in the air right now…which leaves me a bit anxious.  I don’t need to know everything about the upcoming 24 hours, but I would like to know if my morning is going to require a different routine.  I can change it.  But I won’t if I’m not required.  And changing it last minute can often add to even more anxiety–not a good way for me to start out a day.  Having an evening up-in-the-air is much more OK with me than a morning.  Perhaps it is because mornings are so sacred to me, and if I’m gonna have to sacrifice my holy time, I want to know so that I can just shift that time.  Because I still need a time for me…I think we all do.  I just am really sensitive to it and its effects on me…and when it is not there, I’m also extremely sensitive to that.

I’m sensitive.  Something I’ve only recently been able to admit to.  And every time I admit to it, I have to take a deep breath first.

It takes a lot of breath and energy to be true with yourself.

Wow, all that and all I was feeling was anxious about an unknown/uncertain morning.

I feel better now.  Wow, this writing thing is therapeutic.  It really is helping me with stuff.  Like, I just witnessed/am witnessing it in action right.  Writing about it and experiencing it at the same time.  This is very fascinating.  Like watching an experiment and frantically trying to take notes and document and analyze the results.

Haha, that’s my life.

So, now I’m not worried about tomorrow and will actually be able to go to bed with a smile…which is my goal each day.  If I can go to bed with a smile, the day was a success–regardless of whatever else did or did not happen during that day.

Moment living right now…and this moment feels good.  So, I’ll go off to bed feeling good, smiling, and wake up feeling good and smiling…(:

Wow!  Yeah, this really just made me feel better.  Like, calmer even too…I’m liking this!

Oh wow, and after what I wrote this morning, of course!  This all makes sense.  Because I declared upon awaking today that today was for me.  ANd so it is only fitting that the day end for me as well.  Just for me.  and it feels good.

I love it when a day comes full circle and even better when I can actually realize and feel the circle of that day.  And didn’t even think today was all that special…until now when it is just now ending…

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About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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