morning flow [that has nothing to do with a vinyasa yoga class]

I was sick on Sunday.  bleh.

But, I’m feeling a nice shift from it.  Like, I feel like it has helped me turn a corner or cross a bridge or something.

Meh, perhaps I needed it.

But last night I couldn’t seem to fall asleep.  My mind was racing.

Funny, because also at the same time I feel really focused right now.

Someone told me yesterday that Mercury came out of retrograde.  And as much as I like to talk about astrology and act like I understand it, I really think it’s shit.  I do.  I choose not to believe my life is controlled by planets and all that shit.  But, it could be a nice coincidence…and it is always good conversation, especially in most of the social circles I pop in and out of.

Speaking of popping in and out of social circles, whenever I feel really focused, I also become even more antisocial.  So, this may be a google earth thought, but it is also just me observing.

I’m also feeling very much self-trusting very recently.  Although, it could be a pseudo-trust that I use to convince myself that I do not need anyone.  But, part of me thinks it is only minimally that and largely a real self-trust.  It feels good, so I’ll take it.

Feels like a whole bunch of other people in my life are experiencing some major shifts at exactly this same time as well.  Or…perhaps, it is me effecting change upon them…no?  could be…

…also could just be that my world is changing…of my own volition via my subconscious.  Yes, very well could be.  I like that thought.  But, I’m not attached to it.

Wow, this feels so good!  It’s been so long since I sat down and just started to write without first having a thought.  I just wanted to let something out.  Something simple.  It had been awhile.  Not intentionally.  Also, not regretfully.  Just had a been awhile.  ANd has especially been awhile since I just really really REALLY sat down and streamed it.  Ya know?  I really need that every now and then.  I think that it clears the clutter in my brain.  Like, I think it starts connecting some of the paths that I routinely take in my thought process journey through my brain.  I think that streaming decompartmentalizes my thought paths and patterns.  It is like I usually have dams up in thought rivers of my brain and I use them to control the flow of thoughts.  But every now and then I need to release the dams and open up the flood gates.

hmmm, looks like we’ve had a wee bit of a small drought lately because things aren’t flowing uncontrollably.  But, nicely.  Steadily.  I like.  Or, perhaps that is something lodged in one of the thought rivers somewhere deep in my brain that is not allowing flow to easily pass.  Yes, that is probably it or else I wouldn’t have thought of it.  Well, we’ll just have to get in there deep and see what it is…


About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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