Cuddle buddy

I really just want a cuddle buddy right now.

Wow, that is such an uncharacteristic statement for me!  I typically am not a good cuddler.  I’m kind of awkward at it most often.  Except with my mom or dad or my best friend.  But, cuddling with a boy…yeah, so not good at that type of intimacy.

It just seems so kind of, well, ‘gray area’ for me.  And, I just am so uncomfortable with gray area.  I guess I consider cuddling gray area because it is not really anything physical/sexual…but, yeah, it kind of is, too.

I like things clearly defined.  Cuddling, for me usually means leading somewhere–sex or something sexual.  So, unless I want that with someone or he wants that with me, I kind of feel it is a useless act when shared with the opposite sex.

But, I do love physical touch.  In fact, that is how I feel I express and receive love the best.  And perhaps this is why cuddling is so uncomfortable for me–because physical touch is really REALLY strong for me.  I can’t take it lightly.  And I don’t give it lightly.  I give it casually, but only to those I love.  Watch and take notice.

But, right now.  I’m feeling like I really just want to cuddle.  Last week I had a rapid and short-lived series of hook-ups which was something also uncharacteristic of me currently.  And since I’m the type to work in extremes, this week I feel I’ve kind of reverted back to the other extreme.  (and I love how the weather has jumped from extremes right along with me)

But, today I feel a little open, exposed, self-battered, and a bit bruised from attempting some things I somehow allowed myself to convince myself that I’m “supposed to” be doing.  And, in all honesty, I’m feeling like a cuddle buddy would be the best possible remedy.  It is much better than hardening my shell and building up my defenses like I usually do.

I don’t want to do that.  Not right now, at least.  Right now, I want to have a man with whom I may cuddle on this cool rainy LA night.  That’s all.

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About heathencomehome

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One Response to Cuddle buddy

  1. There is a type of cuddling between the sexes that beyond platonic, but short of sexual. There’s an easy, sustainable sensuality about it, but at the same time a strong emotional sense of togetherness and mutual comfort.

    I’m just saying, you’re right. It’s really wonderful and nearly everyone wants that. It’s nice to know someone else knows what that’s like.

    That said, a week-long string of hook-ups isn’t necessarily to be talked badly about. Be glad you can pull that off—for some of us it isn’t even an option.

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