Rocking my boat a bit.

I feel a move coming on.

I’m feeling stagnant and bored.  Not like I’m unbusy or like I have nothing to do.  But, more like I don’t feel challenged in the right areas of stimulation.

Whenever I feel this way, I usually move.  And it’s not like I discover I feel this way and then move.  It is more like I can’t take where I am anymore and out-of-the-blue I re-locate to another abode.  Then, after the fact, I realize that my feelings instigated the relocation.

But, this time, I’m really broke…like, really poor…poorer than I’ve been.  And I can’t move.  It has prevented me from moving.  Because if I’d have had the resources I’m sure I would have done it weeks ago.  But, I didn’t.  And I do like my living space and the living situation I now have.

I just get antsy.  I live on anxiety.  I thrive on instability.  I’ve lived in my apartment for almost a year-and-a-half!  That is the longest I’ve lived anywhere since moving out of my parents’ home and coming to California 6 years ago.

But, the thing is, with all of my other moves, I had somewhere “better” to go.  I had somewhere in mind that I’d prefer living or a new place I thought would be a new and different experience and adventure.  I don’t really feel that with anywhere right now.

Oh, and keeping in mind, all of this “move” talk is restricted to my city.  I definitely do not want to move out of LA–it’s my home.  But it’s funny that I haven’t yet found a “home” in my home.  I guess I just consider it all my home and perhaps my wanting to move so frequently is my home calling me to experience all parts of it in its entirety.

But, I still wanna move.  Somewhere.  I’m thinking getting myself even closer to the coast.  Venice sounds nice.  My ideal is still Pacific Palisades, but I do not think I’m ready for that just yet.  Not the Valley again.  Not the South Bay.  Not enough $ yet for the hills, beachwood, Brentwood, or BevHills.  Not Silverlake–I don’t feel cool enough for that…

And if I move, it’s gonna be to a completely new neighborhood…cuz I don’t make minor changes.  MIne are BIG

I really do love where I am.  But I feel I’m outgrowing it.  Is that odd?

Haha, I just thought that I can’t leave yet, because the trainer at the CrossFit here in Hollywood is so hot that I don’t want to leave before I get a chance to pursue that…haha!  Oh boy!

…is that all that’s keeping me?  My friends are all spread out in this city.  It’s not like moving any one place will bring me any closer to any of them.

I guess for right now I still have Dancing Shiva and my connection there and have also begun to make some connections with people at CrossFit.  But, I am not certain yet how lasting these new connections are.  Can I form friendships based on deadlifts, burpee, squats, and pull-ups?

I’m not really thriving here.  And that is a lot of why I moved last time.  I need to find a new place of Thrivance.  That isn’t a word.  But, I just made it up and I like it.  It’s better than Surthrival, I think 😉

So, to find a place to THRIVE!  Hmmm, could this perhaps have something to do with my yearning for VITALITY?  Can’t possible doubt that the two are connected!  But, I also cannot rely on a simple relocation ‘fixing’ anything or eradicating anxious feelings.  But, if it is necessary to break up any stagnation that I’ve accumulated, then, break away I must!

This is all so very much still in my head and heart space right now.  But, it has been there fore several months now, actually and I just now finally worked up the courage to put these anxious feelings into words.

I don’t know at all what any or all of this means.  And I’m not really searching for that right now.  But, I am searching for answers.  A search that I am now ceasing.  Just questions.  Right now the question is,  “Do I feel move will benefit me?”  Not a ‘should I move’ question…because there are no should’s, there are only do’s.  Should’s remain in the head; do’s are put into action in one’s life.  That is what I am seeking–to DO.  Which ‘do’ will I do?

And then the question after that is “Where…?”  And I have full faith that the Universe is guiding me to the most beneficial, fun, exciting, adventuresome, and challenging answers!




About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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