real morning pages

Shoot…I woke up an hour earlier than I thought I needed to.

Not usually a big deal.  I’m usually a very earlier-riser.  But, I didn’t get home until after 3AM last night, so getting up at 8:30, is early.

Yes, that’s right 3AM!  Who was I last night?!  Not something I’ve done in sooooooooo long!  And had fun last night with a bunch of people I barely know.  It kind of made it fun to be whomever I wanted to be.  Well, that and the copious amounts of whiskey I consumed.

One disappointment was that I really don’t think I made any real human connections with anybody.  I talked with people in depth and had a great time.  I even flirted and developed a new sort of crush.  But, one of my favorite things to do is to have a really deep conversation with someone and just talk and talk and talk.  I think this is why I typically do not like parties that are too large.

The saving grace, though–dancing!  F’n LOVE dancing!  I danced last night.  So, I guess instead of deep conversation, I had it with my feet and the floor.

Still wishing I could’ve had both, though.  I mean, like, I don’t really know what I took away from last night!  Did I learn anything.  Yes, perhaps this about myself.  But, I would like to say that I met some people that I really got to know.  Didn’t happen.

So, it almost in a weird way feels like I crashed a party last night.  Because I knew barely anyone going in and this morning I still know barely anyone.  That said, I am so very grateful for the guy I know by face but not name who gave me a ride home.  Very generous of you man in my AM CrossFIt classes who was dressed as a vampire.

Had fun last night…with a crowd of people not my own.  Just not a group I could fit into.  Have been trying, and I gues that’s what I’ve learned–I’m not gonna fit in with ’em!  That’s ok.  I fit in with very very few people.  I’m a misfit.  I am the square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  It ain’t gonna happen.  No  more trying.

I’m accepting me.  I’m also accepting that last night was fun.  Unattached fun…and a lesson learned in who am and who I am not.  I have my one or two (perhaps 3) people who I do fit in with.  Perhaps there isn’t a “crowd” or a “group” to which I belong.  That’s ok.  I think I’m complex enough to constitute my own group…


About heathencomehome

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