“A breakdown is really a spiritual awakening…”

“Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection.  ‘Is there something about me that if other people know it or see it that i won’t be worthy of connection?’…Those who don’t feel shame have no capacity for empathy. ”

I heard this this morning while watching a TED talk one of my friends posted on his facebook a couple days ago.  It works both ways.  It is (once again) like the ebb and flow of the tide.

“In order to allow for connection, we have to allow ourselves to be seen–vulnerable.”

Words I really connected with this morning.  WOrds I need to hear…and feel.

Do I have the courage to be imperfect?  To treat myself kindly?  To let go of me and my perception of my own “shoulds?”

WHAT MAKES ME VULNERABLE MAKES ME BEAUTIFUL.  I can conceptually and intellectually believe this.  But, do I FEEL its Truth within me?  Do I accept it?  This is something I am working on.  Currently.  Right now.  IN THIS MOMENT.  And as I work on it, I get so very fully IN THIS MOMENT.  Like right now.  I have no idea what I am typing…or hearing.  I have no idea what time it is.  I know I have other things I need to do today.  But, F them!

“Vulnerability is the birthplace or joy, of creativity, or love…”

Yeah, I know.  I get it.  I’m not alone in the struggle for vulnerability.  But, for some reason my saboteur/ego tries to tell me that I am.  And for an even more insane and absurd reason, I believe that!  WTF?!

How do I numb my feelings?  Because that is how I ignore my vulnerability and hide it away.  I numb feelings.  Because they are OVERPOWERING sometimes.  And I feel like I’m not supposed to do that–be overpowered by emotions.  WHat, like no one else ever feels them and to an overwhelming degree?  Of course they do!  We all do.

So, I’m so very much getting closer and closer and closer about being vulnerable more often.  And how do I know this?  Because I can feel the layers falling away.  I can feel myself peeling them.  Some of them seem to be super-glued to me.  But those are the layers that fall to the floor and shatter upon impact.  And those are the layers that feel oh-so good to have off of me.

I feel so much more comfortable with being seen than I ever have in my cognizant memory.

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About heathencomehome

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