A bit bothered

I didn’t sweep and mop the kitchen before I left.

This is bothering me.  It is also bothering me that I didn’t clean the living room at least a little bit before I left.

I’m back in Iowa as I write this on my parents’ desktop in their kitchen while they watch The History Channel in the other room right after having gotten out of their whirlpool bathtub…while my mom bakes a pecan pie.  I can smell it.  It is almost done.

I forgot to pack my toothbrush.  Was gonna get one at the airport but forgot.  So, I will have to get one tomorrow.  That is bothering me as well.

The first thing I ate when I got back to my parents’ home was some cereal.  That is my ultimate indulgence that I never allow myself except for when in my childhood home.  It is just such a kid thing that hits all the spots but something I can never justify buying.  I think I had at least 3 bowls.  Having gotten high with my little bro on the ride from the airport probably aided in my appetite. 

And that is bothering me.

Or was.  I’ve decided NOT to let it bother me.  It’s a freaking vacation.  In my baked ramblings this afternoon I talked asked my little brother if he could tell that I’ve gained 30lbs in the past 3 years.  He said he didn’t really notice but thought I looked healthier.  I hate it when people say that.  I should love it, but for some reason I translate ‘healthier’ as meaning plumper…as, ya know, not a good thing.

That is bothering me.

But, my little brother is my sage…and my #2 life coach.  I have 2 of them…and oddly enough they share the same name and the same birth month.

I love that my little brother doesn’t sugar-coat ANYTHING.  EVER.  He was like, “Sheesh, Mary, if you wanna lose weight just do it!  Stop talking about it and do it.  Stop whining about your genes or being a woman or whatever.  Yeah it sucks being a woman cuz you’re gonna gain weight easier and quicker than me.  Suck it up.  Deal with it.  Either take it or do something and sacrifice to lose it.”  Those are my options.  He is so wise.  He is so right.

So, here I sit talking about it.  Well, sort of.  In written-form.  But, his words have hit me.  Having two brothers and a naturally independent spirit, have lead me to behave so much more like a man sometimes.  I so very much loved that my brother reminded me that I’m a woman and have different struggles and some things are harder for me and some things just are more easy for him–and for others.  And that’s life. 

Oh, and I’m also bothered because I keep thinking that I’ve been thinking too much about the guys in my life.  I so don’t want any attachment there–in that area of my life.  So, in true “me” form, during my bath about a half hour ago, I decided that I’m not going to initiate any more contact with O.M.G AMAZING guy because as of last night, I really think an attachment is forming or–if it hasn’t already–could very easily and quickly develop.

And that bothers me most.

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About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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