Someone needs to write a love song on falling out of love. Not a break-up song. Not a pining for someone you’ve lost song. But a song that describes that feeling of releasing and transition. That feeling of letting go.
Letting go is painful. It is change. It is growing…growing pains. It is a letting go of a very very good feeling–being in love. Because even when you are in love with someone and it is not reciprocated, it still feels good to have those strong passionate feelings about another person.
But, it is the losing of those feelings that is painful. The realization that someone once so special and integral in your emotional life no longer holds that place. And even if that person is replaced with another, it is still unfamiliar. Especially if that love and/or longing carried on for a long time.
THat’s usually how it works with me. I hold onto my ‘in love’ feelings for a long time. I allow them to play themselves out and do not try to force anything–either the falling in or the falling out of love. Perhaps it is because I’m just a dedicated person.
But, falling out of love or letting go of someone you were pining for is just like letting go of anything else–you have to let yourself fall into the arms of the Universe. And it works the same way with falling in love to–you have to be 100% completely open to it to allow it to work its wondrous magic in your life.
However, there are several songs of the letting go and falling in love variety. I want one for the letting go and falling out of feeling. Not an “I want you back” song and not one of feeling hurt because you still love the other person. I want one that communicates that feeling of how much it hurts to let go of that feeling more so than it hurts to actually let go of that person. Because I feel that one gets over his or her love much before he or she actually allows himself or herself to let go of the love…because love is so strong and it feels sooooooooo good. And also–for me, anyway–if I hold onto love then I prevent to vulnerability to other new feelings with which I am unfamiliar and of which I cannot ‘control.’
I saw one for whom I fell deeply and madly just the other day. And a pang hit my heart and my gut. It was shocking. It was like an equal and opposite love-at-first-sight feeling. Like, an instant realization of my feelings of letting go of that love and falling out…but in such a peaceful way. It was something with which I have absolutely no familiarity. And, yet, I took a breath and felt the moment. And have allowed myself to continue to do so for the past few days. Just observing…continuing the experimentation of my life and discovering new places and new varieties and new colors and new sensitivities of feeling.
Right now. I have no control. I can feel it. In my life. But, I’m going with my no expectations policy…
and I have no idea what to expect from this fall.
I guess falling out of love is a fall too…is it a falling up, then…?