I’m a jealous person. Scratch that. I have been a jealous person often in my past.
Like, REALLY jealous. Like, I will find something about EVERYONE about which to be jealous. Like, everyone has something that I don’t. Not even necessarily something that I want–just something that I don’t have.
I am jealous of my friends. I am jealous of people on TV. I am jealous of physical attributes or talents. I am jealous of intellect, beauty, talent, skill, athleticism, metabolisims, smiles, just about every body part at some point, and the list goes on.
I woke up this morning and went for a nice LONG run. Like 45-60 minutes of just running. When I got back to my apartment, I was overcome with renewed energy and NOT exhaustion physically like I would have expected. I, however, discovered that I was exhausted of being jealous.
Like, wow, it takes a lot of energy for me to be jealous. And I don’t wanna be jealous anymore. I just decided it. Not like it’s gonna be that easy, but I am finally ready to work on it.
I don’t want to be anyone other than me. I want to get to a place where I can consistently fell as though I am breathtakingly brilliant in everyway. I want to be more focused on me and on the work I both need to do as well as have done.
All this energy I keep sending outward towards others in the form of jealousy is both depleting and negative. I realize that in being jealous I am putting up MAJOR barriers between others and myself…and with my friends, nonetheless! I am also sending out such negative energetic vibrations towards these people–and everyone! I’m freaking shooting myself in the foot at every turn!
Nothing to be jealous of. I choose to use my energy on much more productive and worthwhile things that make me happy and do not tear me (or others) down. I am tired of it. It is enough. I choose to be the best me always and when I think/feel I’m not, it is not in comparison with others or even a past or future me. When I feel this way I choose to focus even more on me. I choose to, at these times, not berate myself but work. Work on me. Work on me in such a way that encourages and motivates me. I choose to do something that makes me smile with satisfaction.
…and, exhale…breathe. begin.