Jealousy…

I’m a jealous person.  Scratch that.  I have been a jealous person often in my past.

Like, REALLY jealous. Like, I will find something about EVERYONE about which to be jealous.  Like, everyone has something that I don’t.  Not even necessarily something that I want–just something that I don’t have.

I am jealous of my friends.  I am jealous of people on TV.  I am jealous of physical attributes or talents.  I am jealous of intellect, beauty, talent, skill, athleticism, metabolisims, smiles, just about every body part at some point, and the list goes on.

I woke up this morning and went for a nice LONG run.  Like 45-60 minutes of just running.  When I got back to my apartment, I was overcome with renewed energy and NOT exhaustion physically like I would have expected.  I, however, discovered that I was exhausted of being jealous.

Like, wow, it takes a lot of energy for me to be jealous.  And I don’t wanna be jealous anymore.  I just decided it.  Not like it’s gonna be that easy, but I am finally ready to work on it.

I don’t want to be anyone other than me.  I want to get to a place where I can consistently fell as though I am breathtakingly brilliant in everyway.  I want to be more focused on me and on the work I both need to do as well as have done.

All this energy I keep sending outward towards others in the form of jealousy is both depleting and negative.   I realize that in being jealous I am putting up MAJOR barriers between others and myself…and with my friends, nonetheless!  I am also sending out such negative energetic vibrations towards these people–and everyone!  I’m freaking shooting myself in the foot at every turn!

No more.

Nothing to be jealous of.  I choose to use my energy on much more productive and worthwhile things that make me happy and do not tear me (or others) down.  I am tired of it.  It is enough.  I choose to be the best me always and when I think/feel I’m not, it is not in comparison with others or even a past or future me.  When I feel this way I choose to focus even more on me.  I choose to, at these times, not berate myself but work.  Work on me.  Work on me in such a way that encourages and motivates me.  I choose to do something that makes me smile with satisfaction.

…and, exhale…breathe.  begin.

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About heathencomehome

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