I was going to write something. I just can’t exactly remember what it was.
But, I was feeling kind of bad that I didn’t write anything yesterday, considering I’d written something about making it a goal to spend more uncensored time with my creative self.
So, here I sit. Wanting to write more than needing to. Wanting something to work its way out of me…and perhaps give me a bit more energy than I have right now.
I was semi-inspired today when I was reading my friend’s long and rambling facebook invite to his birthday party this Saturday. The details to this event just went on and on and were so random and off-topic, yet still very very interesting. I was thinking I need to just sit down at my computer and just start spewing some shit. Getting everything at the front of my brain out first so all the juicy ideas at the back that have been hiding and fermenting can then see a bit of light and actually reveal themselves–even to me. Huh, it’s kind of like cleaning the closet–you have to get rid of all that clutter at the front to get to the junk (and few precious treasures) at the back. You have to get all that junk out before anything can ever be clean and organized. So, perhaps I’m just trying to de-clutter my mental closet right now. Or, rather, I’d like to do that. But, I can’t seem to find the messy spots. Everything seems quite clean right now. Not spotless, but neat. Yup, I’m looking for the junk. And not finding it. And still looking.
I should probably stop before I create some junk in just the same way that I have created problems for myself in thinking that I have to have problems because everyone has problems and in so thinking creating some neurotic problems that I never had to begin with. LIke, searching for a cure for a disease I don’t even have…and in the process contracting that very disease because I want the cure so badly.
Yup, wow, I do that a lot. It’s exhausting. I wake up doing that. I wake up thinking I’m less than perfect. Why? Why do/would any of us ever do that?! I am perfect when I wake up. I am clean and un-flawed. I am perfect in my car on my way to work. I am perfect before, during, and after my intense CrossFit workouts. I am perfect when my day begins to not go as planned. I am perfect on my way to and while at work–no matter what the circumstances and situations at both or either may be. I am perfect with a job. I am perfect without a job. I am perfect with money in the bank and/or in my pocket. I am perfect without money in my bank account (which doesn’t really exist anyway) or in my pocket (another illusions). I am perfect every single time I look in the mirror no matter what my thoughts/judgments are about what I see. I am perfect in clothes and not in clothes. I am perfect when I think I am and when I do not think I am. I am perfect alone and I am perfect with others. I am perfect when I eat–no matter what it is! I am perfect when I act…and when I don’t. I am perfect when I fail to meet others’ (and my own) expectations. I am perfect when I sleep. I am perfect when I don’t understand things. I am perfect when I make mistakes. I am perfect when I give wrong answers. I am perfect when I am angry. I am perfect in my joy. I am perfect when I don’t know what to say. I am perfect when I’m confused. I am perfect when I do not have enough time for everything I’ve planned. I am perfect when I close my eyes and when I open them. I am perfect when I smile and when I cry. I am perfect even when I’m taking a shit! I am perfect in every moment, because that is just how I was created. I am perfect pure Divine Light.
Thank you inspiration. Not what I was going to write at ALL! But, what I was supposed to write…I am perfect when I trust my Soul 🙂