my fingers are flying this morning (:

I like to wake up early.  I really do.  As a kid, no, I didn’t like it.  It’s something that started in college when I thought I had to start doing “responsible adult” things, and sleeping in did not seem like the “adult thing to do.  Hence, my very uncollege-like college experience.  That’s when I trained myself to get up at 5AM each week day.  And that led to me never being able to sleep past 9AM on the weekends.

That has stuck.  Only, it’s more like it’s hard for me to sleep past 7AM.  I can stay in bed a bit longer than that.  But, no matter what time I get to bed or what my bedtime activities may be…I still awake during the 7 o’clock hour.

I usually LOVE this.  I feel like training myself to be an early-riser helped me to discover large parts of my true nature.  I am most free in the mornings.  I get more shit done before 9AM than I can any of the hours after that.  I love waking up, taking a good shit (I’m very adamant about starting the day with an unblocked colon), and then getting a good workout in to fully wake me up before anyone else it seems has even begun to stir.

I feel like my early morning hours are my sacred time.  A large portion of those hours are my alone time.  And it is my good alone time because nothing has yet happened to steal my attention away from my imagination.  I make up stories at this time.  I sometimes let dreams linger and create endings and/or sequels.  I read a lot and with the most focus at this time.  I have little to no desires for self-sabotage.  Everything seems oh-so beautiful for those hours of my own.

I’ve tried having my alone time be at other times in the day.  It doesn’t work.  Not for me, anyway.  My time is 5AM to 9AM…and on a good day can stretch to 11AM.  (Another aspect of my March goal of extending my creative time…)

Not too many people–especially people my age and people in LA–are morning types like me.  I don’t mind.  In fact, I usually love it because that makes it so much more  MY OWN time.  THat is what I like about it–makes it easier to be alone for a large uninterrupted part of the day (with the exception of an hour-long CrossFit class, but I feel like I can ‘check out’ socially because I always have the excuse of exhaustion and/or focus)

But, it can kind of be alienating as well.  Like, when I choose not to sleep in my own bed.  Something I so very rarely do because I can’t actually fall asleep next to someone about 85% of the time.  Nonetheless, I have been trying to train myself to get past that and stretch myself beyond my own little self-protective bubble.  But, what I don’t like is that if I do find myself able to fall asleep, I’ll still wake up before 7:00–no matter what activities took place before sleep nor how long those activities lasted.

So, here I sit.  Awake.  Having been awake for about 2 1/2 hours next to a sleeping person whom I do not want to wake up because he got to sleep late and who am I do force him onto my awake-time.

So, I read some of my book.  I tried not to squirm too much (oh SO hard for me).  I daydreamed a lot.  THat was fun…bet led to some squirmage, so had to abandon some of the more exciting creative thoughts because they were getting into my body in away that signaled their need to be exorcised in some way.  I switched to just images then.  Just letting random pictures fly across my brain with no attachments, judgments, or interpretations.  That was fun.  Don’t know why an image of an unknown thin girl with bright red hair popped up…or why I had a disgusting public toilet image creepily pop up…

Anyway, then I saw his laptop and remembered he said I could use it once.  So I am.  I needed to this morning.  It feels good.  I like that I’m up and was bored and anxious but have just channelled it into my Morning Pages today!  My fingers have been typing a lot faster than they usually do.  I have no idea why.  I think I’ve finally awoken him, though…I can hear stirring and I am beginning to get a nervous/fearful feeling that at any moment he could start to read over my shoulder…which would not be cool.

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About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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