in response to myself…

After writing my revelations in the shower, I went to work.  At work I read some Osho.  I’m currently reading his book on courage.  It’s a short book but it is taking me FOREVER to read b/c every couple pages I have to stop and process/download all that I just read.  It is very dense/heavy stuff.  I can actually feel myself growing as I read it–complete with all the requisite growing pains.

Anyway, I was at work.  I read 2 pages–only TWO PAGES–and had to pull out my little pocket journal and just start to write all that was bubbling to the surface of me…

I’ve been trying all this time for aso long ot connect with ideas and concepts.  not with people.  I so want my ideas to connect.

But, wow, just realized the absurdity of this!

I’ve been wanting my ideas to find a partner/companion/compliment and searching for that–because it’s safer.

But that is also an absurd thought because it it can’t be safer because i have nothing to lose.

I will no longer have a need to be understood if I just drop this false desire of waning ideas/thoughts/imaginings to connect.  THat is really what I want ‘got’.

So, I release that need.  Right here.

Oh, wow.  How liberating!  No need to be got…is it really that simple?  Don’t question it.  It really is that simple.  My thoughts and ideas are not me–my creativity and creations are not me.  Not even the images in my head.  I (this word is circled in my handwritten journal and I don’t know how to do that in type-face on a computer using wordpress…) am beyond that.  So far beyond…beyond to a feeling place.  Everyone and anyone can feel.  No one even need understand/”get” what I am writing right now!

My ideas need not connect.  They are not as precious as I make them.  Heck, I am not even as precious as I make me!  I need to release that misconception.  I am not precious.  Unique–yes!  But, precious–no.  I am not even the same at all from moment to moment!  So how can I be precious if I am continually dying away and being born anew?!  This process is Me.  The through-line is my soul and my soul only.  Not my mind or body.  The same is true for everyone.  All I want is for my soul to feel another soul and for that soul to feel mine.  Fully.  I want my through-line to intersect with another through-line on the G.R.I.D. of life…let’s start allowing…!

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About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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2 Responses to in response to myself…

  1. Jai ma says:

    Here here! Love it! Love that Osho book!

  2. Lyz its me says:

    Above.

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