some randoms…that turned into discoveries

About a month ago my herbalist told me I have an intolerance to salt…nothing else…not dairy, not wheat, not soy, not corn, not sugar, not fruit, not potatoes, mother-effin SALT!  So, she told me to avoid it.  Hard as shit to do…even harder than avoiding sugar on Body Ecology Diet!  Like, EVERYTHING has salt.  But, I been trying very diligently to stick with it.  Sometimes I’ll eat some dish that I know has salt in it…like my friend’s Paleo gumbo the other night, but I have seriously cut it down the past month.

And now I notice how much freakin’ salt is in EVERYTHING!  I just had an omelette at Whole Foods and couldn’t even finish it b/c it tasted so salty to me!  And I figure Whole Foods is in the middle category of places to heavily salt their food!  Like, WHOA!  So, I guess it’s getting easier for me to avoid…especially considering that I have always ALWAYS preferred savory over sweet.  But, I think this is actually really helping my health and I’ve noticed it in my CrossFit performance even.  Because I’m finding myself less thirsty and it has actually helped me feel more rested.  I wonder on the science behind this…

Also feeling confusion on my acting career.  Damn, that’s all I want.  But, I feel like I’m working on it so much less.  But I also feel less stressed about it all.  But, I still have yet to find new representation.  But I’m not beating myself up over it like I used to.  I am so much better about allowing things from the Universe and not forcing and trusting in my own dedication and hard work.  Because, dammit!  I work HARD!  So, I’m not gonna beat myself up over nothing happening that is out of my control.  I am so over doing that.

But last night my rooommate asked me about my acting and if anything is in the works.  I so wish I could say ‘yes!’  I so wish I had projects coming to me the way he does with his film work.

But, I am also soooooooooo over comparing myself with others.  Dammit, I can’t spend this life beating myself up!  I will pursue this thing until the day I die, but I won’t let myself watch my life go by in the process!  I am so very confident in my choices these days.  2011 has been KICKASS so far!

I can’t predict what the rest of the year has in store.  I can’t say “ooooo, great things are on the horizon.  I can feel it/there are signs”

Fuck, there are ALWAYS great things in store!  That is life.  And I don’t want to miss ALL of those great things looking for one very specific one!

I am happy right now!  Yet, I by no means have all that I want.  Nor do I have everything figured out or anywhere near any of my shit together.  But, in accepting that, I feel AMAZING!  I love that I don’t know what tomorrow holds!  I love that I can’t keep a job or an intimate relationship longer than the NBA season.  (they play WAY too many games, ok!)

But, I’m still alive and I have great friends.  I say that makes my life great.  I don’t know what tomorrow is.  I love that.  THat makes my life great.  I am still working oh-soooooo hard on me.  That makes my life GREAT!

I still have goals.  I still have things I so would love to do.  But, in this month of laxity (lessening my goal-focus), I’ve noticed that I cannot let my goals define me.  And I like me better that way


About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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