History is all about interpretation. We are all fucked if we believe anything else. If anyone things/believes history is straight fact, he or she is bullshitting himself/herself and everyone else.
Religion is the same way. There is no–get that NO–universal truth. Even that statement that there is absolutely NO absolute truth is not universally true…
When I started this blog I was feeling guilty for my heathen ways. I’m coming a bit full circle. in my favorite spiral fashion. because it’s not a real full circle it is an evolved three-dimensional circle. one that has grown out and up from itself yet still goes round and round–and must go round an round. but is on a different plane still making the rotations so all things are the same things but seen from elevated/different angles.
doing that right now. seeing my heathen ways from a different angle. appreciating them more. I was so very much rejecting them before. wanting to go back to being “good” in oh so many ways.
now seeing those “good” things in a different light–through a different lense. coming more and more to believe that there is no “good.” There never was and there never will be any “good.”
But I do believe what one of my best friends in the universe has always drilled into my head and my heart that it is all about FEELING. how do things feel? how do my actions feel? How do they feel to ME? not how do they feel to others.
I’m pulling away from how I make others feel. And getting more comfortable with making my self FEEL good instead of BE good. because I can’t simply be something until I feel it anyway–I can’t DO it until I FEEL what it is like and then act from that place.
so, I’m focusing on feeling good. that, I’ve discovered requires removing the guilt. because guilt is the most AWFUL feeling in the world. it is pain throughout my entire being that is chronic–it lingers on and on and gets worse and worse. it is a terminal cancer of the soul that will rob my youth right from me if I do not rid it from my life.
How do I do that? I don’t know. That is why I’m doing what I’ve always naturally done–I’m experimenting. I’m choosing not to feel guilty. About anything. I’m choosing not to make decision about me that are for other people. All decisions about my life are only for ME.
And I do not feel selfish about this. because if more people thought this way instead of trying to read others’ desires/minds/hearts/feelings instead of nurturing their own, things may be a bit better. I don’t know this. I am only experimenting. I do know that when I act for what feels good to me–not what my ego wants, mind you–but acting from my soul center, I enjoy life–I feel love. And I feel that is what life is all about–feeling love and enjoying the process.
Enjoying my process, feeling love, and doing what feels good sounds a lot like hedonism…a lot like being a heathen.
I thought I titled my blog ‘Heathen Come Home’ because I wanted to come home FROM my heathen ways. I’ve spiraled to a new interpretation of the same thing–wanting to come home TO my heathen ways.