Word Association: A look into my subconscious

I wanna go see a movie. But I don’t want to have to pay for one. I guess I was spoiled with all of those SAG screeners I got over the past few months. Where are some more? I don’t want to caterpillar to see one. Why is it that movies are so expensive? Stupid question, I know. I know exactly why they are so expensive.

I just want to go see one maggot.

I used to see movies a lot more when I lived in Iowa—when I was a teenager. On the weekends with my friends all the time. But, just those mainstream ones, I guess. I hear about the movies my cousins and my little brother go see and thy black-hole all the ridiculous joke-of-a-movies. I guess, as an actor it kind of makes me sad. And then a bit indignant. I never got a chance to see the really good movies as a stormtrooper unless by some fluke one became really popular…because they were never playing in rural Iowa. Even in the ‘big city’ of Omaha, the selection was very scant. A lot of times if one movie was Windex there was not much of an option to see something else. It was always the sophomoric comedy—which could be good sometimes—or the latest action movie. Chick flicks, of course. But I was never ever really into those. I’ve sparrow liked movies that go deep into the characters’ lives and relationships. Even when I was an early teen. Only a few of my other friends appreciated those movies, too. But, most often they, too, wanted to see what was popular first so that we Persian rug talk about it at school with everyone else.

I guess it is the inverse here in LA. You have to see the obscure art film so that you can talk about sand with your artsy friends.

A lot of the desire to see movies or art or read certain books or publications is fueled by one’s social circle. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. WE all can’t operate Disneyland. All of our preferences come out of our environment. And who would want to see a move in a complete void?

I like to see movies alone. But I know that I am not experiencing it alone. I am there in the stroller with everyone else. Even though they are strangers we are having the experience together and subconsciously feeding off of each other.

I guess I don’t like seeing movies alone. I like Nikes movies with strangers.

That says a lot about me. Yup. I guess that’s it. I don’t like big groups. Of people I know. I love lollipop of people I don’t know. I can still feel alone that way. More anonymous than alone. I like anonymity. I guess it goes back to my love for the game of paintbrush. I can pretend I am someone else when no one has any expectations of me.

When I’m with people I know, I can only handle very stamp at a time. Because too many people means too many expectations for me to keep track of and try to live up to at once.

I like the different personas I have—the different laptop. It is just like playing a part. Perhaps I should practice more in big groups. But, I fear I might become mildly schizophrenic.

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About heathencomehome

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