I want to write and have things racing through my head and through my heart that very soon need to find an outlet.
THey just keep re-circulating through me and it feel like all of my blood is a million years old. I feel like none of my cells have multiplied to create their baby successor cells today.
I feel old. But not old negative old. I feel old like tired old. I feel like I lived a decade in a day.
I didn’t even do anything except have fights in my head all day.
All freaking day. And all I fights I lost.
And now I’m going to bed defeated.
And will start tomorrow with a negative score.
I’ll be climbing all day. Up a hill I made. And keep making bigger and taller each and everyday.
I have the power to flatten that hill in a day.
But I don’t. I just keep climbing it slower than I build it.
Getting further behind.
And then just sitting here on my laptop writing about it.
And making a mountain out of my mole-hills.
Because I enjoy climbing things.
Because I enjoy a good workout.
Because the view is better from the top.
If I ever allow myself to get there.
The taller my hill, the long my climb…but what a killer view I’ll have up there.