My Goodies

I wish I could write today. I wish I was inspired.

What I want to do is write something that is as good as brunch with my boyfriend was this morning. It was just right. Simple and impromtu and new-ish yet familiar.

Hmmmmm, I think those are the words that describe life right now: simple, impromtu, new-ish yet familiar.

Yeah, that’s my life. I am those things.

I haven’t always been those things. I think I am just now those things.

If you would have asked me yesterday what three words best decribe me I wouldn’t have picked any of those.

But, I like that my writing reveals myself to me.

Not just my writing. But my living. My day-to-day. My moment-to-moment. My ever-expanding evolution.

The spiral of my life. Reveals a new me to me each day

and each moment

with each blink of the eye.

And every time I push a new key on the keyboard and a new letter pops up on my screen and begins writing my life for me as I read it and let it take me to my destination that I have sketched in my mind but have yet to color in.

With each tear I am transformed into a new me

With each laugh I move through another layer of me

WIth each hug I add to myself

WIth each kiss I explode into a milllion more little pieces of myself to share with others.

If I don’t immediately try to collect them back up and put them together.

I will practice kissing the world more.

And letting the explosion of my heart touch the souls thousands of miles from me and 6 inches from me. Touching all deeply with the same impact because there is no resistance to my love.

I want some coffee. I want a bubble bath. I want a new computer. I want my car insurance payment to go down. I want my phone bill to go down. I want a hug.

And a kiss.

A kiss back from the universe. That’s what I want. I want my kisses to come back to me.

I just have to stop turning my cheek to love and let those kisses hit my lips.

Each day they are coming for me and I’m turning and ducking and dodging like bullets are flying at my head.

Avoiding love and connection for fear they will break me.

I want to be broken. I’m ready to be broken. Broken open like a pinata.

And let my goodies spill out.

To share with the one who is blindfolded and swinging his bat at me to finally soften to his barrage of kisses.

Have a party for me.

And bust open the pinata.

And we’ll all celebrate

the birth of a new me.

And then I’ll start to put those pieces together again

And start planning for my next coming out party.


About heathencomehome

question marks & ellipses
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