I am really struggling with my writing assignment this week.
I think that means it’s a good one.
Can’t wait to see where I am at the end of it.
It all seems so simple, too.
But simplicity is hard for me.
It is hard for me to stop at just enough.
I like to go overboard
…or not go anywhere at all.
working in extremes.
Finding a middle ground has always been hard for me.
I think that is part of why I resisted writing for so long because when I write, eventually I have to stop somewhere and be satisfied that it is enough and I have to know where that stopping point is and that scares me because I never feel like I’m done.
I never ever feel like I’ve ever gotten my point across.
I am discovering (especially through my assignment) that that is the whole point.
It is teaching me even more the importance of letting go of my ‘point’ or my ‘agenda’ or caring what I have to say.
My teacher always tells us students, “Your story is boring.”
Always. No matter what. Your story is boring.
I’m finally getting to a few of the layers beneath that statement.
“YOUR [individual/isolated] story is boring.” What brings it to life is someone else’s story. Meeting it. Saying “hi” to it. Having a dialogue with it.
I get caught up reading something that makes me ask questions and gets me involved and makes me reflect–sometimes consciously; sometimes not–on my own life.
I don’t care if someone ever reads what I write and gets it. I can’t be married to the idea of getting my point across. THe more significant result is having someone else’s point reflected back or extracted out of my writing.
Mirroring each other. Back and forth.
I see myself in so much of what I read yet never thought of other people doing the same thing ever with something I have ever or will ever write.
It makes me sigh. And smile at my computer screen and get a half degree warmer all inside.
And stop myself from crying
because I have to go do my assignment now.