Escaping Destiny

My palms get sweaty.

I wring my hands together.

Breathing is shallow.

I’m nervous.

You’ve put demons in my belly to play with fire.

They dance the dance I wish I remembered.

All up and down and inside out.

I’m nervous.

I’m certain I will lose my Love.

It will be sucked out of me.

Given to another reflection of me that others gaze upon with affections as I hide and sulk in the shadows of her.

A distant memory of me.

My whole body quivers at the thought.

Can I look into my reflection’s eyes and see the love I have for myself?

Or will I see those demons dancing around the fire in her iris?

And at the center of the fire, there I am. Tied to a post. A martyr to myself. Burned at the stake for lack of admiration. For heresy unto myself. For abandoning the carriage ride to my future.

I just jumped out. Out of myself. Out of my body. Out of the constraints of womanhood and into the forest of fantasy.

I started to run…all the way back. Until I couldn’t see that carriage anymore.

And then I missed it.

I missed seeing the devils in my reflection.

Freedom is longing. Constraint may one day bring contentment.

I fly between the two. Never knowing my role. Always avoiding my duties. Pretending to play Woman.

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About heathencomehome

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